My Internal Thoughts and Fantasies

Everyone has fantasies and thinks to themselves. Not everyone is open to telling all about themselves. I’m the opposite. I call myself an open book and the rest of the world is a closed book. Sometimes I demand let’s change the role so that you become an open book and I become a closed book.

Internal thoughts or fantasies are very personal. No one wants to talk about it. Let us come to what I think and how it boosts my energy. My greatest thought is I give a talk to a large audience and my greatest fantasy is that I’m in the movies.

When I think of my talk, I see myself in a big auditorium. In the audience are professors, students, my wife, my son, and my psychiatrist. My psychiatrist’s job is to keep me on track if I go irrelevant as I have too many things to talk about. My wife’s job is to watch my eyes moments. If my eyes are wide open or blinking too frequently, it is a signal I’m not feeling well and the lecture must be stopped. For this reason, most of my talks are canceled.

Regarding movies, I don’t think that I’m an actor but movies are based on my life. My friends invite me to watch the movie with them in the theater. I cannot do that. I may cry. There may be very intense scenes I cannot watch.

These fantasies are not active all the time. It happens only in psychosis when I cut from reality and I feel like it is real. My pace gets faster and I start crying. One day I was with my wife at a grocery store when all of a sudden I started crying to myself. I warned her to go home because I was not feeling well.

The fantasies turn off when the psychosis goes away and I start a normal life.