Coping With Bipolar Disorder

I live in two states. Either doing nothing staying bed or being very energetic and researcholic. I will call these two states down-state and up-state. I feel I’m the most stupid and lazy in the down-state. Nothing helps. I use different techniques to overcome this state.

My two most favorite places are a bookstore and a library. Books gave me good vibes. But unfortunately, I cannot read a book from cover to cover. I lose attention and get involved in my ideas. This is when writer-me takes over. It is very important to know what kind of writer I am.

I stay on a circle. Either I’m a physicist, a number theorist, or a writer. It is not in my control. Sometimes I work on a very important project or several projects at a time, and my interest suddenly shifts. Most of my projects are unfinished due to the interest shift. I must wait until I am again on that part of the circle. But when I’m back to that state, it is not necessary the same work would fascinate me. When that happens I give away some of my unfinished work if someone else is interested or looking for collaborators.

It is good I note my ideas. A while ago in mania, I used to keep track of time as to when these ideas come to mind. Date and time were noted. I believed it could not be random there must be a pattern in my thoughts.

One day I found the pattern and predicted my own death. I predicted I might probably die on September 5, 2060, at 10:20 am at the age of 88. The reason of death would be a bomb blast. Whether it is true or false I am 33% right as I could either before, on, or after that date. I can fix myself in time but not in space. I don’t know where I will die. I can escape from space but not from time.