When the weekend is passed, on Monday, September 1, 2003, our driver drives the Carry Van in the courtyard. I’m secretly taken from the basement to the vehicle. Over the weekend, I was asked to stay in the basement. Perhaps the family wants to keep the latest developments secret. Today, the vehicle is also brought inside the house so that nobody can see us. Normally we use the hujra for transportation where the vehicles are parked. I’m asked to sit on the back seat. Aziz and Hafiz sit to the left and right of me. Abdur sits on the front seat with the driver. The van leaves the house, making sure no one saw us. The van passes through the street. On both side of the street are fort-like, tall, mud walls of the houses. After taking the first right turn, the road head to Teddi bazaar. This road is unpaved. We instead take a left turn and head to Jamrud bazaar. This road is paved. After taking several left, right turns in the street, we enter an open area. This is Jamrud railway station. The train is called Khyber train safari, a tourist train. It runs only once a month from Peshawar to Landi Kotal. It is pushed and pulled by two steam engines. It passes through 34 tunnels and 92 bridges and reaches a height of 3,900 feet. There is an interesting train bridge past Landi Kotal, under which a vehicle passes twice; once enters then takes a semi-circular turn and leaves on the other side.
At the end of the station is Warsak Road. On the north is Warsak dam. Jamrud bazaar is in the other direction half a mile from here. We take a right toward Jamrud bazaar. Because of the encroachment by vegetable and fruit carts, the road at the end is very narrow. We enter the main Jamrud bazaar. In the west is the monument Bab-e-Khyber, gateway to Khyber Pass. We head to Peshawar in the east passing through the bus stop, then the high school from where I graduated. We then reach Takhta Baig checkpost. Visitors are checked here by the Khasadaar Force, semi-police. An escort is provided to tourists. After the barrier, one road leads to Peshawar and another to Bara in south-east. Khyber Agency, which is a tribal district, is comprised of three tehsils: Jamrud, Bara and Landi Kotal. There are seven tribal agencies and six frontier regions, collectively called FATA. Special laws apply to the FATA. These laws are called the Frontier Crimes Regulations (FCR). The FCR was introduced by the British in about 1850. The basic rights given to most Pakistani citizen are not found in the FCR. For example, if a person commits a crime, his entire tribe can be arrested and/or fined, and the tribe’s houses may be demolished.
We then pass through Wazir Dand area. Here is a small bazaar where weapons, liquors and drugs are openly sold. At the end of the bazaar is a checkpost. This separates Peshawar and Khyber Agency. This checkpost is controlled by the normal police of Peshawar. These policemen are not allowed in the tribal areas. On a signboard at the checkpost, visitors are warned that crossing this point is prohibited. Across from the checkpost is a big dump where heroin addicts smoke heroin. The railway track passing between the dump. Passed the checkpost is Karkhano Market where imported merchandise are sold.
I’m keenly looking out here and there like I’m new here. I’m very cooperative. When I look at Hafiz and Aziz they are smiling at me. I know there are proud of me. I know that because of me the family is in spotlight.
In about 15 minutes, we pass through Peshawar University, which is collection of several universities and colleges. To the right is Khyber Teaching Hospital, one of the biggest hospital in the city. In about 10 minutes, we reach Shafique Psychiatric Clinic in Tehkal Bala. The Peshawar International Airport runway is nearby.
I longed for a meeting with a psychiatric. I’m brought to the right place. But I know this not real; this stage is set. Everyone here is an actor. Patients – men and women – are sitting on the benches in the hallway. I’m looking at the them, making faces. Aziz drags me to one side. Patients names are called. Meanwhile, my name is also called. I’m taken inside the doctor office. The doctor, in 40’s, is typing on the keyboard. I don’t see the monitor. I think it is under the glass desk facing up. The doctor looks up at me and asks me what the problem is. I know he is an actor. I say nothing but, in anger, push away everything on the desk. The doctor assistant, who is also present, grabs me. My family members get intimated. The assistant says it is normal for them.
I’m taken to another room. Here I see another actor. This person is wearing a mask. He asks me the same question as to what my problem is. I say no other words but what I said to the chairman of the Pakistan Academy of Letters, Islamabad – “I’m a patient and you are the doctor who can cure me.” He says nothing but pokes a needle in my bicep.
In the other room, my family members provide my history to the doctor. The patient name is Shahid Nawaz. Age 28. Single. Student Ph.D. physics.4 brothers, 3 sisters. One brother died 6 years ago. Some marriage stress. Was being forced to marry widow of the brother. He didn’t. Eventually developed an enormous relationship with somebody. That didn’t work out. Now has been engaged by family. Some stress at college. Many friends have left the country. Started psychotic behavior about a month ago. Very aggravated last 10 days. Short tempered. Beats family member since today. Self-talking. Self-laughing. Talking about his field and experiments, and draws maps of places. He says he is going to meet with President General Pervez Musharraf.
My family members have also brought what I was writing over the weekend. Love loves Love; Since I have no enemies, all friends are invited for marriage; Universities must remain open; Thinking pushes time; I cannot go with you, I’m sorry. Behind each of these quotations was a scene. If one character name is Love and the other name is also Love, and they love each other, that would be: Love loves Love. The doctor also notes musicality that the patient has some dancing association but more of a manic appearance than. For which the injection Largatil plus Valium/Diazepam is prescribed. It is to be given to me every day for a total of three days. The first one is given today in the clinic at 4:15 p.m. I will be brought here again tomorrow for a treatment called electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). The treatment triggers temporary seizures in the body. It is performed on an empty stomach given general anesthesia. The doctor says it will be given every other day until I pain feel in my body.
Mr. Monologue 
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