Can I Live without Medicine?

I have been taking medication for bipolar disorder for fifteen years. Over time I have developed tremor mostly in my hands. It is more in the left hand and less in right hand. Tremor is very embarrassing. I cannot even hold a spoon. My psychiatrist says it is from Depakote and Lithium. For the tremor, I was first given Benztropine and now Propranolol, but none of these are helping.

I also do not like Lithium. Besides tremor, it makes me very thirsty and the urge for urination. First, I took Lithium 15 years ago when my illness was diagnosed and then it was replaced by another medicine and recently I was manic and so the doctor added it again.

Mania returns once in a while. For most of the time, I’m depressed. I don’t see if the medication is helping with my depression. I never skip Med. I’m just scared I don’t want to see mania. Especially my mania comes with psychiatric features. I did many weird things which I discussed in Sitting in Two Boats.

I have never seen a therapist. My insurance doesn’t cover it. Yes, twice I saw one therapist, but I was not really impressed. I never tried support groups either. I don’t know how helpful would that be.